Have you ever wondered why some women seem so strong? So independent. Never ask for help. Scared to let anyone know they are struggling. Not wanting to seem weak.
Maybe its because they have been let down. The people who were supposed to take care of them didnt!
So they learned very early on to take care of themselves. Safer that way. Cant be let down.
Independence is good, strength is good but oh so tiring when you would really rather just let your guard down. Breathe a little. Trust someone and know that they have your back.
As children we are meant to feel secure, safe and loved so that we can learn to love and take care of ourselves and those in our care as we become adults.
When that trust is broken we spiral out of control. We get confused and dont know how to feel about ourselves. This makes relationships difficult as we search for new people to love and care for us. We sometimes put on this brave, confident persona as we go through life doing everything ourselves, or sometimes we hide under a shell not letting anyone in as we carry on as though we dont need anyone for fear of showing weakness.
I didnt hide away. I just kept searching for validation from others which lead me to the wrong partners as somehow I didnt really believe I could do better. This has been such a painful journey.
So many unnecessary upsets, hurt and tears.
Still, I have risen out of that dark place I call my childhood. I have made mistakes, been bashed about, lost sight of my goals, lost myself at times, but I pat myself on my back because despite being a bloody mess at times, dragging my children through some ugly situations while I tried to find myself, I have raised 3 of the most beautiful, grounded, intelligent women I have ever met and I did this on my own and even while I didn't believe it for myself at the time, I never stopped telling them how beautiful they were, how special they are and how valued they are!
They are my light, and are the ones who have helped me to truly value myself with thier unconditional love of me.
That lost little girl has gone now and everything is good. My hard work on myself has paid off, I love who I have become!
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